Mischief is in the air in Jilyang through the workings of a newly-discovered adversary. A local woman, who is now an ex-employee and ex-client, and who I thought was my friend, has worked diligently to tear down the business I work for in order to build her own learning center. She spread vicious rumors, actually I don't know how vicious they are, to parents of the hogwan students in an effort to build her own clientele. Word travels fast in a small town like Jilyang.
I thought she was being kind when she wanted to show me around Korea, free of charge, but I now realize she tried to recruit me to work for her when she kept asking me about "overtime hours" and questioning me about my schedule. Almost all of the clinic's employees have been haggled during the past few weeks. Anyway, my number of classes has dwindled, and my number of students has dwindled considerably. My contract offers a sort of job security, but the whole situation is sad. The new competition gives me an additional reason, along with some unexpected extra time, to improve my teaching skills. And quickly.
Tonight, we had a parent-teacher meeting, partially to settle the rumors with Justin's calm and collected presentation of the truth. As parents trickled in, Justin introduced me to so-and-so's mom and such-and-such's mom. (I suppose all the dads had better things to do. "Korean man is king," said one Philipino wife I know.) He asked me to say a little something about what each student is like in class, and I was embarrassed to find I still don't know all of their names. After the meeting, which was all in Korean, Justin asked if they had questions, and I learned about the many ways I need to improve. (I'm not sulking...really...I'm just speaking the truth.) Give more homework. Discipline. (Even if they complain, according to the parents.) Use the online system. I'm working on it.
It's been another rough week in the discipline area. When using sticks made another girl cry, then I decided to switch to carrots. No more tears, I decided. I bought a bag of candy and gave it pretty generously throughout class to those who answered questions correctly or to game-winners at the end. It's so much more fun to give carrots than to swing sticks. Still, discipline is necessary when students have a lack of respect for their teacher. One of the crying girls' parents mentioned to me, through Justin's translation, that they should be more disciplined in class. I was dumbfounded. More discipline? Her daughter is going to wail. Yet even with the carrots, her daughter had her cell phone out in class today after I asked her to put it away.
Like I said, I'm not sulking. There's a purpose behind all of this. God is refining my character and all that. He's helping me develop childcare kinds of skills, which are pretty new for me and will be pretty useful to me if I ever have kids. I'm just walking through the fire right now. The fire of correction. The fire of trial and error. And that fire is showing up at home, too.
Some of my friends from Dongshin church invited me to be part of a woman's Bible study on Friday nights. All of the members are also teachers, so the meeting time is 11 p.m. I would need to stay the night at their apartment, and take the bus home in the morning. When I delivered news about the late night Bible study in KyungSan, Hyunsuk had a fit and called the Bible study leader to ask why in the world we would have a Bible study at 11 p.m. at night. It's amazing how much hostility one can pick up through non-verbals.
Hyun-Jin called me later and said she was very rude and suggested that she is trying to control me. It surprised me. Usually, she's pretty sweet and polite. Everyone has a breaking point, I guess. I don't want her to worry about me that much. My real mom doesn't even worry about me that much. Thanks, Mom!
Today was the first time that I seriously thought about moving out. At the local market, I perused the aisles and thought about what I might buy if I were living in an apartment and cooking for myself. I wondered whether I would maintain some of the Korean traditions like taking your shoes off at the door and hanging clothes up to dry. (Koreans are really way more energy efficient than Americans.) I dreamed about the comfort I might have. I thought also about how I would need to buy a hairdryer and figure out how to translate the Korean on a washing machine.
Then again, I have many sweet moments with this family, and I think I would miss them. For example, I enjoyed learning a few Korean words as I hiked a mountain with my host mom. A couple of nights ago, I taught my host parents "Be careful, little eyes, what you see...," and they taught me the Korean equivalent, "Uri moda dakatchi songbukul." In a few weeks, Jimin, Hyunsuk, Moxanim, and I will all go to an amusement park in Daegu together. I prayed for Chihey a few nights ago when she said one of her high school acquaintances commit suicide. When she said the girl was a Christian but couldn't go to heaven, and I challenged her by asking where that was in the Bible. When she said drinking was a sin, I challenged her the same way, mentioning Jesus' first miracle as a reference. She conceded these points. She didn't know. I think this is a relationship that I want to maintain.
Maybe there is a sacrificial element to all relationships. In order to maintain them, one must give up a little bit of independence or comfort or time.
I see my true but sometimes ugly colors when I respond bitterly toward my host mom in the morning after she rushes me to get ready for the health center. "Bali, bali!" Stop! I want to say. I'll go to the health center when I'm ready. But I don't. I can't say such things. And she wouldn't understand me if I did.
On the other hand, I know she's working very hard to host me, and it's not her fault that our communication is limited. Humbled by her constant servanthood, I try to repay her by doing the dishes and folding the laundry. Also, I honestly wonder if this is a time of refinement for her as well. She is a worrisome mother. Sometimes I think, "You believe in God. Trust him! I'll be ok." I think of Chihey, who is almost 18, and I wonder if He is preparing her for the day she leaves home. Let go!
My life seems jumbled until I write down my thoughts and notice a hopeful theme: Refinement.
Clearly, “refinement” is a word that is pretty accurate when I think about what the Lord is working in you at this moment. I am reminded by the scripture verse in Hebrews 12:11 which says:
ReplyDelete“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
This is your plight right now it seems. The beautiful promise lies at the end. You can count on a “harvest of righteousness and peace” if you allow it to “train” you. You have my prayers and support.
I love you,
Dad
Sally you really are going through some stuff. I never thought that these trials would be so personal - I only thought there would be cultural "non-personal" trials. You are teaching me more about what it is to be part of a culture as I see you jump anew into SK culture and the family you live in.
ReplyDeleteHello Sally, I would talk to Justin about your host family difficulties and get some advice. Your host mom is taking things seriously and wants to save face by making sure you don't get hurt there. Problem is that it my make your stay a little less fun. So you need to tell Justin that you want to communicate somethings to your host family but not have them lose face. You still can move out, but they might lose face if that happens. What it comes down to is what do you want? I know it sounds selfish and maybe it is, but you are there for only a short time and you want to get the most out of it. Both options are similar in that you will learn a lot. Continuing with your host family will give you access into Korean culture that you will not have living alone. Living alone will you give you freedom to check things out as you want, but you probaly won't learn as much.
ReplyDeleteEverything you are going through is all cultural. What the woman did at the hogwan is very Korean. It seems that in your short stay you are getting a concentrated view. Remember to take things in stride that you have a sweet opportunity living in Korea. When I was in Korea there were a lot of difficult times, but in the whole picture it was nothing compared to what I gained. God is good and he will be with you.