Reflections from Dorian Gray

This is my last summer of singleness in the States, and on the surface, it may seem strenuous. (How's that for an aliteration?) Planning for a wedding that's eleven months away, attempting to dodge red tape necessary for a work visa only to finally grit my teeth and succumb to bureaucratic rules, continuing to coordinate activities for the CIEP with some success--these are a few of my summer tasks. But I've actually had a fairly peaceful summer so far. Most days, I spend two or three hours in my office, and the rest of the afternoon soaking up romantic moments with my fiance, maintaining my physique through regular exercise, breaking in my domestic instincts, and reading for enjoyment. It has been enjoyable! I recently read "The Picture of Dorian Gray," by Oscar Wilde. Nick loaned me the book, but I finished it because I want to participate in conversations about the classics. (I found myself in a conversation where I couldn't.)

I noticed that my current speed of life actually resembles the main character's. Dorian Gray is an exceedingly good-looking British bachelor, whose eligibility seems to derive from a wealthy geneology and inheritance. I'm not sure if Dorian Gray does anything for a living, but like me, his daily activities consist of social gatherings, trips to the opera and occasional engagement in the study of other arts including music and literature but mostly aesthetic forms. (I have never been to an opera, but have enjoyed the freedom to enjoy people and art (such as this book) with my summer vacation time.) No longer a college student, I need this kind of stimulation to keep my mind from growing lazy.

In the book, Basil Halward develops a peculiar infatuation with Gray and paints a portrait of him to fuel his worship. Upon completion of the portrait, Gray admires his own face in the work and wishes outloud for his looks never to alter but for the wear of age and tear of sin to show in the picture instead. (I find the dramaticism of British dialogue amusing.)

"How sad it is!" murmured Dorian Gray, with his eyes still fixed upon his own portrait. "...I shall grow old, and horrible and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young....If only it were the other way around!..."

Like most wishes in stories, Dorian's wish comes true. The picture magically becomes a window into the soul of Dorian Gray. As he begins to notice alterations in his portrait, due to moments of cruelty and sin, Dorian becomes consumes, even obsessed, with hiding the image. With the image out of sight, he feels increasingly indifferent and calloused toward others and the harm he causes others. I'll try not to give the entire book away, but after a time of intense cruelty, Dorian decides to change and makes an intentional effort at a moral act. Thinking again of the picture, Dorian rushes to the portrait, hoping to see a positive alteration, but he is disappointed.

Wilde writes:
A cry of pain and indignation broke from him. He could see no change, save that in the eyes there was a look of cunning and in the mouth the curved wrinkle of the hypocrite. The thing was still loathesome--more loathesome, if possible, than before....Then he trembled. Had it been merely vanity that made him do his one good deed?

The author wanted this work to be separate from moral teaching, but I couldn't help but ask myself: Are my good deeds in life motivated by a desire to cover up the effects of age and sin on my public image? Is beauty a primary motivating factor or merely a fortunate side effect of good deeds? It seems like if beauty is a motivating factor, then I must stand with Dorian on the side of vanity. But then again, is beauty a vane motivation if the good deed brings joy to the recipient, glory to God and satisfaction to my heart? Would the Bible mention beauty as a side effect of good deeds if God had not intended for women to read it and feel motivated, at least partially, by it? (1 Peter 3:4-6). Maybe "partially"is the key word in the question. Beauty for one's own glory is different from beauty for beauty's sake. Is vanity, the chance that someone might admire me, my primary motivation for loving my neighbors and serving others, or is it meeting the needs of others and thanksgiving to God?

I guess this question is too big for me to answer unless I had a self-portrait like Dorian's, which served as a window to my soul.