rehearsal. I'm sorry the picture is not very good.
I experienced a bit of a flashback as I watched "The Six Blind Men and the Elephant." I remember that someone once told me the story is an allegory for universalism. Six blind men try to "see" an elephant by feeling it's parts, and none of them see the whole picture. One blind man feels his tail and says an elephant is like a rope. Blind man number two feels his legs and says an elephant is like a tree trunk. Blind man number three feels his hard body and says he is like a brick. Another feels his ears and says he is like a fan. Another blind man feels his tusk and says an elephant is like a spear. The last blind man feels the elephant's trunk and says the elephant is like a snake.
At the end of the play, all the children yell, "We are all wrong! We are all right!" At Summit, I learned that this is literature's way of telling us that all religions have some parts of the puzzle right and some parts wrong, but there is no way to know because we are all blind. As a follower of Jesus, we can't believe that because Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. But I do believe I have a lot to learn about Jesus.
God gave me the grace to desire his word today, and his grace was on me as I taught classes this afternoon and evening. When I came home, I walked up the church stairs past the sanctuary where a worship service was in session. I heard a woman wailing and swaying to "There is none like you," and Moxanim muttering some kind of prayer from the pulpit that sounded like an auctioneer doing his work. I've seen him do this before, but for some reason tonight, I felt God lead me into the Sanctuary to get a closer look. I planned to observe only. After all, I really didn't know how to participate in this free style of worship. To my left, Hyunsuk sat in her pew and swayed to the rhythm of the spirit. She looked....like she was in a trance. The prayer/worship/trance seemed long. Kimjimin and Kimminwoo got up to leave, and I got up with them, but Jimin told me to wait for Moxanim to pray a blessing on me. I don't want a blessing from the minister. I have enough blessings already, I thought. I don't know about this. Doesn't only God give blessings?
But I sat back down, waiting for God to release the need in my heart to be there in that room for the remainder of the service. I thought of Nick, who might be upstairs trying to talk to me on Skype. I thought of a brief conversation with my coworker Patrick, who said he was too lazy to be religious. I thought of my understanding of God's purpose for my trip here: a honeymoon with Him.
Moxanim prayed over a woman in a pew just a few rows in front of mine. He put his hand on her head, and "auctioned" as she coughed and coughed. With her coughs, Moxanim spoke louder and stronger. I furrowed my brow, feeling the strain on my forehead. What is he doing? I was afraid he was hypnotizing her, exercising some kind of ungodly control over the people in the room. I wanted to leave. The woman continued to hack into a tissue, and Moxanim reached for a roll of toilet paper for more. (Koreans use toilet paper a lot, but not for the bathroom.) I didn't know if I wanted him to pray for me or not. Did she just fake that cough? It seems like she's trying. I thought of Jesus words to the unbelieving viewers who always asked for more signs. Yea, but he's not Jesus. Didn't Paul say something about desiring the "greater" gifts while keeping love "the greatest of these" at bay? I couldn't deny the abundance of love I felt from the Kim family, even if I did struggle with the culture differences.
Hyunsuk joined me in the center pew and translated some of his words with the Korean-English dictionary tool in her cell phone. "The precious blood of Jesus." "Holy Ghost." "Prayer, blessing." She tried to catch his eye as he switched from one recipient to another. She tried to explain that he would pray for me. I asked if she could just pray for me, and she said no. I wondered why. Was it a headship thing? Or was it just a minister thing? I told her maybe I wasn't ready to be blessed. She asked why. I had to think about it, I replied.
She gave me the most puzzled look I've ever seen her make. "Think?" she asked. "No...just..." Hyunsuk held her hands out and closed her eyes as if she were waiting to receive a gift from God, demonstrating to me the sort of pose I should assume. I became emotional...
I was scared. I was afraid. I thought of the times people were so afraid of Jesus that they sent him away. Maybe Christianity is supposed to be a little more like this. A little less stoic or intellectual. A little more...scary. He prayed for me and moved my head in a circular motion as he did. It bothered me, to be honest. Was he moved by the spirit or trying to exercise control over me?
Afterward, Hyunsuk got emotional. She used her dictionary to tell me that through Jesus she could feel my heart and it was sometimes...the dictionary said "stuffy, closed." Maybe she is right.
I think that if Jesus is the elephant, then it's possible there are parts of him I've not let myself see. Ok...that might be a rough analogy. I'm glad English Camp is over. I plan to spend this weekend with some Korean friends I know through CIEP.
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